*** I am not an expert on these things. I really don't know much but I DO know how good this whole process has been for me and I really want it for my friends!!! I am also writing this as a reminder to myself so when I launch my other 3 children I will have some reminders. :-)
When people talk about taking a child to college there are often several themes:
"I will be so sad."
"I dread it."
"It makes me so sad to think of all the lasts with my senior."
"It's the hardest thing I have ever done."
What if there is an alternate narrative that replaces the dread with dreams, the pain with peace, the sadness with satisfaction? We just left our oldest child at the United States Naval Academy and it was one of the best days of my life. I felt such peace and joy and satisfaction and pride. This is what I wish for all of my friends that come after me.
It's launch time! They can be ready to launch and you can be ready too! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 BLAST OFF!
These are my tips:
10. Trusting God with their future - This is the first step because I believe this is the foundation on which all the other steps are built. I really don't think you can have this "alternate narrative" without faith that a Higher Power has your son/daughter in His hands and "He knows the plans He has for them...not to harm them...plans for a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) This step is not only important when you actually drop them off at their college/school/military assignment but it is actually the entire point! Step one means pointing your child to Jesus throughout their whole lives so that when you launch them they have a strong foundation. It means praying for them everyday. Not just for their safety but for their character, their friendships, their choices, their strength. This is the step that involves getting them ready for the launch!!!! All the other steps involve getting YOU ready for the launch!
9. Remember your personal worth - Sometimes as parents our worth gets wrapped up in our children. "Proud Parent of Honor Roll Student", "Proud Parent of MVP", etc. We are proud of our kids and we tout their accomplishments on the back of our cars, on our social media feeds, and whenever we have a captive audience. It is good to be proud of our kids but it is not good to base our value as a person or our worth in this world on that. If we do that then when our child leaves the nest we feel less valued and unworthy.
8. Find your own hobbies - It is so easy when raising kids to be sucked into the crazy adventure of driving them to their activities, cheering them on, supporting them physically, emotionally and financially. If our entire life is scheduled around all of their activities when they leave home we might feel empty. Superficially we might even feel bored. It is almost as if our children become our primary entertainment. I am the first to admit I love watching my child do her thing and I will miss watching it as often as I did when she lived home, but I am so thankful that there are many other things I love to watch, do, experience, participate in that do not involve my launched child.
7. Remember your goal! - From the moment our child is placed in our arms, the goal is to teach them how to survive and thrive. We have to keep them safe, warm, fed, dry but ultimately we have to show them how to do these things for themselves because we know we will not always be by their sides. We send them off to Kindergarten with tears in our eyes because we know a sweet chapter of dependence on us is over. They don't need us to do everything for them anymore. We should be so proud of ourselves for accomplishing these goals. All the way up to launch time, we should be encouraging and equipping our children to do more and more for themselves and we should emulate good choices and behavior. (Admittedly, easier said than done.) We should also encourage independence. I think we all like to be needed so much that often we insist that our child needs us. That might feel good in the moment but I imagine that would make the launch very difficult.
6. Give yourself things to look forward to - Putting activities on the calendar and scheduling upcoming visits with your launched child will boost you through those times when you miss them.
5. Good old fashioned letters - Our daughter joined the Naval Academy so she is not allowed to have a phone or computer which has forced us into letter writing. I am learning that this process allows for a lot more thoughtful communication and also provides a beautiful system of journaling our time. I have heard from those before me that these letters will be such a beautiful time capsule for us and will offer us some wonderful memories in the future. We were forced to write letters but it is an opportunity that we could all take part in.
4. Read your bible everyday - This is a reminder from our foundational point above. We can't trust our children to someone that we don't KNOW. When we spend time in the Word we learn more about the One who holds the world in His hands This will bring us peace, not only for our child's future but for the future of our world.
3. Cherish the memories - What better time to appreciate all the fun and memorable things you have done as a family then after you launch a child. Old pictures, videos and letters can stir up emotions for family members but it can also provide a healthy and wonderful time of reflection and celebration. I decided to finally get caught up on a family scrapbook that had fallen to the side recently. We'll see how that goes!
2. Look forward with expectation - The future is bright! People say that the freedom that comes with an empty nest can be exhilarating. People also say that being a grandparent is awesome. I'm not trying to rush either of those things but I am SUPER excited to dream big dreams about what my future might look like while still very much enjoying the present. My husband and I like to talk about exploring the nation in an air stream or sailboat. We like to dream about visiting each of our kids and their families and looking for ways to bless them throughout their lives. It's exciting to think about!
1. Drop them off and feel the PEACE, SATISFACTION, JOY, and PRIDE that you should be feeling. Know that God has your child in the palm of His hand and He will be with him/her always. Celebrate that you accomplished your goal of raising an independent and capable child that is ready for this. Rejoice that a part of you gets to go try new things, meet new people and experience new opportunities because you were able to launch him/her.
BLAST OFF!
