An Alternate Narrative - LAUNCH TIME!

*** I am not an expert on these things. I really don't know much but I DO know how good this whole process has been for me and I really want it for my friends!!! I am also writing this as a reminder to myself so when I launch my other 3 children I will have some reminders. :-)

When people talk about taking a child to college there are often several themes:

"I will be so sad."
"I dread it."
"It makes me so sad to think of all the lasts with my senior."
"It's the hardest thing I have ever done."

What if there is an alternate narrative that replaces the dread with dreams, the pain with peace, the sadness with satisfaction? We just left our oldest child at the United States Naval Academy and it was one of the best days of my life. I felt such peace and joy and satisfaction and pride. This is what I wish for all of my friends that come after me.

It's launch time! They can be ready to launch and you can be ready too! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 BLAST OFF!

These are my tips:

10. Trusting God with their future - This is the first step because I believe this is the foundation on which all the other steps are built. I really don't think you can have this "alternate narrative" without faith that a Higher Power has your son/daughter in His hands and "He knows the plans He has for them...not to harm them...plans for a hope and a future."  (Jeremiah 29:11) This step is not only important when you actually drop them off at their college/school/military assignment but it is actually the entire point! Step one means pointing your child to Jesus throughout their whole lives so that when you launch them they have a strong foundation. It means praying for them everyday. Not just for their safety but for their character, their friendships, their choices, their strength. This is the step that involves getting them ready for the launch!!!! All the other steps involve getting YOU ready for the launch!

9. Remember your personal worth - Sometimes as parents our worth gets wrapped up in our children. "Proud Parent of Honor Roll Student", "Proud Parent of MVP", etc. We are proud of our kids and we tout their accomplishments on the back of our cars, on our social media feeds, and whenever we have a captive audience. It is good to be proud of our kids but it is not good to base our value as a person or our worth in this world on that. If we do that then when our child leaves the nest we feel less valued and unworthy.

8. Find your own hobbies - It is so easy when raising kids to be sucked into the crazy adventure of driving them to their activities, cheering them on, supporting them physically, emotionally and financially. If our entire life is scheduled around all of their activities when they leave home we might feel empty. Superficially we might even feel bored. It is almost as if our children become our primary entertainment. I am the first to admit I love watching my child do her thing and I will miss watching it as often as I did when she lived home, but I am so thankful that there are many other things I love to watch, do, experience, participate in that do not involve my launched child.

7. Remember your goal! - From the moment our child is placed in our arms, the goal is to teach them how to survive and thrive. We have to keep them safe, warm, fed, dry but ultimately we have to show them how to do these things for themselves because we know we will not always be by their sides. We send them off to Kindergarten with tears in our eyes because we know a sweet chapter of dependence on us is over. They don't need us to do everything for them anymore. We should be so proud of ourselves for accomplishing these goals. All the way up to launch time, we should be encouraging and equipping our children to do more and more for themselves and we should emulate good choices and behavior. (Admittedly, easier said than done.) We should also encourage independence. I think we all like to be needed so much that often we insist that our child needs us. That might feel good in the moment but I imagine that would make the launch very difficult.

6. Give yourself things to look forward to - Putting activities on the calendar and scheduling upcoming visits with your launched child will boost you through those times when you miss them.

5. Good old fashioned letters - Our daughter joined the Naval Academy so she is not allowed to have a phone or computer which has forced us into letter writing. I am learning that this process allows for a lot more thoughtful communication and also provides a beautiful system of journaling our time. I have heard from those before me that these letters will be such a beautiful time capsule for us and will offer us some wonderful memories in the future. We were forced to write letters but it is an opportunity that we could all take part in.

4. Read your bible everyday - This is a reminder from our foundational point above. We can't trust our children to someone that we don't KNOW. When we spend time in the Word we learn more about the One who holds the world in His hands This will bring us peace, not only for our child's future but for the future of our world.

3. Cherish the memories - What better time to appreciate all the fun and memorable things you have done as a family then after you launch a child. Old pictures, videos and letters can stir up emotions for family members but it can also provide a healthy and wonderful time of reflection and celebration. I decided to finally get caught up on a family scrapbook that had fallen to the side recently. We'll see how that goes!

2. Look forward with expectation - The future is bright! People say that the freedom that comes with an empty nest can be exhilarating. People also say that being a grandparent is awesome. I'm not trying to rush either of those things but I am SUPER excited to dream big dreams about what my future might look like while still very much enjoying the present. My husband and I like to talk about exploring the nation in an air stream or sailboat. We like to dream about visiting each of our kids and their families and looking for ways to bless them throughout their lives. It's exciting to think about!

1. Drop them off and feel the PEACE, SATISFACTION, JOY, and PRIDE that you should be feeling. Know that God has your child in the palm of His hand and He will be with him/her always. Celebrate that you accomplished your goal of raising an independent and capable child that is ready for this. Rejoice that a part of you gets to go try new things, meet new people and experience new opportunities because you were able to launch him/her.

BLAST OFF!

2017 in Review

We have been very blessed over the past year! Here are some highlights from 2017:

Adam- Continued to enjoy and thrive in his position at Mayo Clinic. In the past month he has transitioned to a new and exciting role developing partnerships to expand the reach of Mayo Clinic. He is very excited about it!

Jill- Graduated her 7th grade student in the spring and retired from homeschooling. ;-) You can read more about her thriving student below. She maintains her position as the Family Legacy Director for Inheritance of Hope and enjoys encouraging and equipping young families facing the loss of a parent through IoH's signature Legacy Retreat. She celebrated her 40th birthday this year with a special trip to Ireland and Scotland with her mom and twin sister!

Liz- Finished her freshman year as an honor roll student and 3-varsity-sport athlete. She keeps very busy with cheerleading, weight-lifting and track and enjoys setting high goals and achieving them. In her spare time she babysits and hangs out with many friends. She is very excited to be an independent driver now and we are excited that she can begin getting herself to and from her many events.

Cael- Played basketball in the winter and volleyball in the fall. It seems like he gets taller every single day and he is very happy when he is outside on a court with a ball and a few friends. He is a great conversationalist and that makes him a favorite among teachers and administrators at school. Thankfully, he also keeps his grades up and makes good choices with friends and activities. He was very thankful to go on a special 13-year-old trip with Adam to Norway over Spring Break. They both had a blast making lifelong memories together!

Gabe- Worked so hard to get caught up to his peers. After enduring 7 surgical procedures in 2016 he was very happy to have a hospital-free year (almost). He had one trip to the ER for a fractured pelvis but it healed well after several weeks on crutches. After much prayer and discussion, Gabriel's wish came true when we enrolled him in public school with Cael. He is working very hard in 8th grade and comes home exhausted but smiling every afternoon. He has a lot of catching up to do but his school is extremely helpful and accommodating and he is making strides everyday. He is also popular among all the kids at school, especially the ladies. That smile! Those muscles! That accent! (insert eye roll here). Gabriel made the most important choice to be baptized this summer at church camp. He had surrendered his life to Christ while in a orphanage in Ghana but this summer he felt like the time was right to make a public profession of that faith in his heart. He was proud to have his cabin leader/Uncle B.J. baptize him.

Grace- Finished 2nd grade strong and has been enjoying her third grade class and teacher. She gets so much special attention at her wonderful elementary school and we feel very thankful and blessed. Every meeting starts out with so many wonderful compliments regarding Grace's kindness, helpfulness, and friendliness. She has many wonderful friends and is well-liked everywhere. She loves to nurture all her younger cousins and neighbors and is happiest when she is playing with dolls and watching cartoons. She also enjoys weekly tennis lessons with some sweet friends in the neighborhood.

Here is a short video of capturing many of the highlights listed above. Enjoy!

Superheroes!!!

On August 6th 2017, I encountered three real life superheroes. One was fast, like lightning, in his physical speed and his mental response. He heard a lady screaming for help and his IMMEDIATE response was to run to her aid. (Thank you Derek Moore!)

After lunch on the Daytona boardwalk I decided to head back up to the hotel pool. As I was walking toward the steps of the hotel pool a man came behind me and forcibly grabbed my wallet and ran. The wallet had many credit cards, identification cards, a little cash and the key fab to drive the van that would get us all home.

I began chasing him as fast as I could but he was VERY fast. I screamed the whole time I ran "HE STOLE MY WALLET! HE STOLE MY WALLET! HE STOLE MY WALLET!"

He ran out from the beach to the side road and kept running down and across the main street. I kept running after him and screaming.

The next thing I knew a VERY fast man came running from in front of me. When the thief saw him he threw my wallet and its contents all over the sidewalk and kept running. My new hero proceeded to tackle the thief to the ground while two other nearby heroes came to assist. They nailed this guy facedown to the ground while I called the police. When the criminal tried to get up one of the guys picked him up and slammed him back to the ground and they made sure he couldn't move after that until the police came. (Thank you Spencer Adams and Brandon Sellers!)

A kind lady who had started running beside me helped me gather my wallet and the spilled contents. She also helped talk to the 911 operator when my tears began to flow.

It turns out this man is on probation for assault and battery with a weapon. Thank God he did not have a weapon this time. These three men that came to my rescue did not care if he had a weapon or not. Their response was immediate and brave. They took control of the situation and made sure that I was safe and justice was served.

After the robber was arrested and put into the vehicle, he asked the police officer if he could talk to me. From the back of the police car the window was lowered and between the bars he said " I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry". I said, "You're young. You still have a lot of life to live. You need to make a change and start making better choices. If you were one of my kids I would want to shake you and remind you that you have a choice. It makes me sad that your life is so bad that you think you have to steal someone else's money to survive. You should know that Jesus loves you and He can give you a fresh start. I mess up every single day and Jesus forgives me."

He said, " I wish it could be different. I'm so sorry."

I said, "It definitely can be different. If Jesus died for you then anything is possible. Think about that from jail and make a change in the way you live. There is hope. And I forgive you."

Will I still press charges? Absolutely! I pray that the time behind bars will be the greatest thing that ever happened in this man's life. I pray that by robbing me today in Daytona Beach that his entire eternity could be changed.

I got to share Jesus with a criminal today. I still have all my credit cards, money and keys. And I have some new amazing friends that happen to be real-life super heroes disguised as wrestling coaches from California and Kentucky. I think robbing a lady outside a hotel that is hosting a national conference for wrestling coaches is not the stupidest thing this man ever did but it certainly wasn’t smart. I guess he wasn’t counting on the fact that not only do these guys have strength, speed and amazing submission moves, but they also have tremendous bravery and an authentic desire to serve and help others with their talents. I thank God for bringing us all together on Daytona’s strip for a life-changing encounter. 

  

 

New Beginnings

There is nothing greater than a fresh start....

We have a brand new house.

Gabe has a new and improved leg.

Everyone started a brand new school year.

And God's mercies are new every morning...thankful for that!

Deep Cleaning

I was watching a show the other day while folding laundry. It was a comedy sitcom full of funny little lines. One of those funny little lines really struck me. 

The son in the family was given a chore to clean the bathroom. He was a thorough individual so he googled a youtube video on "how to clean a bathroom" and followed the instructions to perfection. He realized that much of the grime and mold between the shower tiles needed more attention and in the process he ultimately de-tiled the entire shower to tackle the filth underneath. When the mom walked in she was livid. She saw a bare wall and tiles all over the ground and exclaimed, "What have you done?!?!?! I ONLY asked you to clean the bathroom! We are not a "DEEP CLEAN" family  we are a "SUPERFICIAL CLEAN" family. It is the filth and the grime that holds this whole place together! Without it we would fall apart!"

The statement made me laugh. Then, it made me think. 

There is no question our family is a mess. So is yours, by the way. 

We have so many issues, and flaws, and filth and grime. Sometimes you can see it easily and sometimes it hidden behind tiles. Unlike the mom in the sitcom I really want to get all those parts clean and it starts with me. 

Ironically when I look around my house or others people's homes, I don't see physical messes. I really don't. I think God gave me blinders to the deep dirtiness that accumulates in a house because He knew I would not be able to live my life in peace if I could see it all. (I sympathize for those of you who can see the deep dirt and grime.) I have always been perfectly happy with a "picked up" home- a superficially-clean dwelling. But then.....a cleaning lady came. Her profession is to deep clean houses and she is good at it. She and her partner spend 4 hours in my house and the house is amazingly clean when they leave. I can't even tell exactly what they did (remember, I can't see these things) but it looks and feels and smells great!

Did you know God is a professional cleaner? I invited him to live in my heart when I was a young girl and I often let His home get filthy. I have had moments when I have felt like I was all cleaned up but ultimately, on my own, I don't even see all the filth. Yet, he promises in 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I need a good cleaning and I am not capable of doing it on my own. Lord, please forgive me of my sins and purify my heart. I don't want to be superficially clean. I want to be deeply clean and be a proper dwelling place for you. Amen.

I am hoping as this mama's heart undergoes some deep cleaning that it will pour out blessings on our entire household. I don't imagine it will do much for the physical state of our house but I will continue to be exceedingly grateful that God has provided the resources for my sweet cleaning lady to come each month and do her thing.

P.S. We had some family pictures taken. I love my filthy crew! We clean up pretty well (superficially)!

Nothing is better than BEST!

God is good all the time….All the time God is good. 

I know this statement to be true because I have experienced it. I have seen and felt God's goodness on easy, happy days and on tough, painful days. 

God is BETTER lately.  Is that even possible?

"Better" implies some sort of change, albeit in the right direction but nonetheless, it implies a step-up, an improvement. 

But, God is unchanging.

-good

-faithful

-trustworthy

God does not change.  It is us who change. 

If I have felt as if God has been "better" lately it is simply because I have opened my eyes to His works around me. The opposite is also true. If it feels like God is far away and not very engaged in my life, it is not because he has moved away. It is not because he has lowered His standard of goodness. He only knows one standard...the highest level of good...the BEST!

God has been constantly and consistently good and I have missed so much of it? That is a HUGE bummer for me and you. Can you imagine how much we have missed?

Despite our ignorance or poor priorities or lack of discipline…God is still good and faithful and trustworthy. 

Nothing we have ever done or could ever do will EVER change God. That is powerful!  He is never LESS good or LESS faithful or LESS trustworthy. He is unchanging. 

Even on the highest of high days or the lowest of low days, He is always BEST. 

When my best friend, Kristen, was battling terminal liver cancer she always joked about being God's favorite child.  She felt that way because her eyes were fully opened to his miracles in her life. Her eyes were fully open to his goodness and faithfulness and trustworthiness and because of that she didn't miss His goodness. She was dying of cancer and felt like God's favorite child. 

My God and your God has not and will not ever change.  Not only is He good all the time but He is best all the time. You can't be any better than best. 

This post is dedicated to my friend, Laurie Griffith, as she starts chemo today to blast leukemia. Laurie, May God give you strength for the journey ahead and may you feel like His most favorite child as your eyes are open to the miracles around you. I pray God uses this chemo to wipe out the cancer from your body and uses the journey of this trial to make you more like Jesus. "Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

From peaches to oranges

In May our family sold our home, packed our stuff and moved from Georgia to Florida.

"Blessed in the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on His law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." Psalm 1:1-3

It is my prayer to bear good fruit. Peaches or Oranges. It doesn't really matter where I am bearing the fruit. I just want it to be good fruit.

Lately, I feel like I am trying really hard and the fruit that I bear looks really good on the outside but then you cut it open and it is not good at all. I mother 4 kids, two of whom I adopted from Ghana last year. I serve families with a terminally-ill parent and young children through Inheritance of Hope. I pack, unpack, decorate, organize, shuttle kids, plan events and most often keep it all running smoothly. The fruit looks good. But I have been cutting it open and finding rotting cores and dried-out pits.

I know the problem.

I am not the PRODUCER of good fruit, only the bearer. I cannot bear good fruit unless I am attached to the vine.

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:4-6

A perfect but somewhat harsh example is in the love I have for my youngest child. She is precious. She is beautiful and kind and helpful and loving. She is also so desperate for approval, affection, and attention. It is exhausting. Every day I wake up with a resolve to "do better". I commit myself to try and be more patient, loving, encouraging....." I fail EVERYDAY. Sometimes I fail within 5 minutes of waking up. I go to bed praying, "please God help me do a better job tomorrow. Help me love her better, be more patient, give her what she needs....."

Precious! (Photo creds to big sis, Liz)

This week God taught me something. He doesn't audibly speak to me or anything but He has spoken a truth to my heart. "You can do nothing apart from me. When it comes to loving this little girl, you will never be able to love her enough to "fix" her. Even your best love is not enough for her. You are only called to point her to Me. My mercies are new every morning. Stop praying for perfect love for her. Your love for her will never be perfect but mine already is. Abide in me. That means spend time with me, talk to me all day, fill your mind with my words. I will take care of the rest."

"If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers, such branches are thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourself to be my disciples." John 15:7-8

I know that this God is not a genie in a bottle. "Whatever you wish will be given to you" is a promise but it has the condition attached "IF YOU REMAIN IN ME AND MY WORDS REMAIN IN YOU." This is my most important job today. Yours too. Yes, the kids need to get to practice or camp. They need to learn to read. They need clean clothes and they need food on the table. Yes, some emails need to be returned and some bills need to be paid and some calls need to be made. But all of this is secondary to remaining in Christ and having His words remain in us.

Lord, I want to bear YOUR fruit. The good and best kind. I want to be used by you so you get all the glory not me. Please love that little girl (and the others) in your perfect way. Transform her heart and mind so she knows her true value in you. I will do my best to keep pointing her to you.

For now, I am going to find a juicy orange and share it with my sweet little seven year old who will soak up every second of my attention.